I haven’t been in a classroom since early October. My university professors went on strike, and I had a week off. I didn’t go back.
I told everyone (myself included) that I was taking time off. For my health. And while I originally had taken time off for my health, as time went on, I realized I probably wasn’t going back.
If, by chance, I can get the two classes that I need to receive my Associate’a degree, I will. Just to say I did get my degree.
But eventually I had to stop lying to myself and to others about the situation. I am not “taking time off.” As of now, I am a college dropout. I had a lot of feelings about college dropouts once, but looking at my life in the last few months, I can honestly say that I’m grateful I dropped out.
My stress levels are minimal comparatively speaking, I’m not sick all the time, my pain levels aren’t as bad as they were, and I in my over abundance of free time, I’ve started doing things I want to do with my life.
I’m reading again. I made the decision to seek help for my mental illness, and have been on antidepressants for going on two months now, along with an as-needed antianxiety. I started writing a book, of which I am half-way through in just fifteen days of writing. I even found a doctor who’s going to provide me with a tubal ligation.
College was (literally) killing me slowly. I was struggling balancing a job and an education, and the sheer amount of stress left me sick and in severe chronic pain. Not to mention the crippling mental health problems I was experiencing.
I became an English major so I could surround myself with the things that I love. Reading, writing, literature. By my third year of college, I didn’t love these things anymore. It all felt like a chore to me. An exhausting attempt at work, when I wanted leisure.
Perhaps it was the severe depression. Or perhaps it was truly the fact college took everything that I love away from me, I can’t be sure. But it took me five months of doing absolutely nothing to find myself again. In fact, I’m still trying to find myself.
There have been…obstacles, to say the least, that have kept me from absolute happiness along the way, but as I relearn myself, I also learn forgiveness and self-love, things I didn’t know in college.
I might not have a degree. I might be a college dropout. But I am certain this was the best decision for me